How I set goals when I have no clue what I want (Copy it)

Have you ever been asked the question, "Where do you see yourself in five years from now?" Of course, we all have in our job interviews. But what if you don't know? Well, I've been there way too many times during my 10 years of working in an advertising job. In my head, I used to say “hopefully alive and happy”.

I was working in a high-pressure job that paid the bills but left me completely drained. I was overweight, exhausted,

and my relationships were down the drain. And it didn't help that every self-help book that I read told me to write down my dreams. But what if your dreams feel like a blank screen? 

I remember sitting down with pen in hand, thinking, "Do I want a promotion? Do I want to start a business of my own?" How do people just know what they want to do in their life? Like, how? 

In this Action-Ables episode, I want to share with you the exact framework that has helped me to go from being clueless to being crystal clear about my personal and professional goals. No fluff, just four steps to uncover what truly matters to you. And have some great news regarding this podcast. It's all coming up, so stay tuned.

Let me start by sharing with you that it's almost been seven years of starting this podcast. To be honest, when I look back at my first few episodes, I cringe because I had absolutely no clue what I was supposed to be doing. I just wanted to share my insights of what was working and what wasn't working in terms of pursuing my own life goals.

When I started this podcast and my coaching business almost eight years ago, I had no clue about what I wanted to create. The only thing I knew was I wanted to provide value to my clients and listeners so that they could benefit and use the insights to simplify their goals.

I was in my 20s and still a kid in terms of business with no background in business. It was new and scary. Today, when I look back at my analytics of how this podcast came about, I'm able to see how every week I showed up and published an episode with the simple intention of sharing my insights. Now I share this to give you a context that when you are starting off on a new goal, whether it's a personal or a professional one, things are going to feel new and scary.

Before we jump into the framework of how to go from being clueless to being crystal clear on your goals, it is important to acknowledge that this feeling of uncertainty is not just normal, but to be expected. Whenever I have been discouraged, I have found immense courage from the words of late Steve Jobs who said that "you can only connect the dots looking back".

When I look back at all that I've done in the past, it makes complete sense. The struggles, the heartbreaks, the disappointments, and the wins I'm able to look back and appreciate all of them, now from where I stand, rather than when I was going through those challenges.

All this to say that if you are clueless with your goals and the next steps, it's completely okay. In this next part, I want to share my framework that has helped me and I hope it will help you navigate your goals. Before we jump into the framework of getting clear,

Let me quickly share some good news with you. Recently Action-Ables was listed as one of the top 100 discipline podcasts by a million podcasts, which was an independent podcast listing site. I was sent an email by the founder of the site, Vivek Agarwal, regarding this listing. For a small business like mine, this means a lot. The last two weeks have been super busy with coaching consultations and I've just not had the time to sit down and record an episode. But now I'm back and I had to share this with you.

If you've been a returning listener, thank you so much for supporting me all these years. It means a lot. So, thank you. And now let's jump into this framework.

After coaching clients for almost eight years, I've found that when someone is struggling to work on their life goals, it is interesting to note that there are really two reasons why someone may struggle to work on their goals. The first one is they're not really working on goals that light them up from inside.

So it's a values and goals misalignment. And second, they may not be working in a way that is right. If you've ever been told that you need to work hard or harder, make a lot of money and only then you're going to feel fulfilled.

Well, most of the people have been sold this BS idea that happiness and fulfillment is found once you do a lot of things such as get a fancy job, make a lot of money and buy a lot of stuff. But here's the problem. What if you want more than just a great job and money and material stuff?

Because let me quote the famous actor Jim Carrey here who says, "I wish everyone were rich and famous and then they'd know that that is not what life is about." If having a great job and making lots of money and owning a lot of material stuff indeed could make one fulfilled , why then do a lot of so-called rich people end up in rehabs? It makes you think that maybe material stuff may be required in order to live a comfortable life, but isn't life more than just having material stuff and being comfortable?

Now I'm not suggesting that you should quit your job and go live in a cave because that defeats the entire purpose of life and goals. I believe that you can enjoy the material world without being too attached to it.

And in my experience, I have found this to be the key to finding more peace and joy with both my personal and professional goals. The question then is how to find true fulfillment. The secret to this question lies within you because believe me, no one can tell you, not me, not another podcast episode, not another YouTube video or chat GPT can answer this question for you. I want to share with you a framework that works for me when I'm thinking about pursuing and working on my next goal.

So first, let's consider the fact that you find yourself asking such a question, why am I feeling unfulfilled? Why do I feel stuck? You need to stop asking yourself why. The first step to clarify what you want to work on or pursue is to stop asking yourself why you feel the way you do.

The problem is even though your feelings are valid, they can take you down a rabbit hole. And if you are an overthinker, this can be crippling. You may start to question everything you feel. And I know this will take a little tinkering or perhaps a lot, but when you catch yourself asking questions such as, why do I feel the need to do something different? You can turn that into, what can I do to feel?

The power of what questions is significantly underrated. This is because, intuitively, we navigate towards the why. Why something happened, good or bad. Why you may feel stuck, and so on, and there is no end to why.

Asking what instead of why shifts your focus from blaming or trying to understand, fostering the sense of curiosity and growth. While why can trigger defensiveness.

Why does this happen? What encourages constructive reflection? What can you learn from this? Or what steps can you take? This approach promotes accountability without judgment, leading to actionable insights.

Author Edgar Sheen noted, "we must learn to ask the right questions rather than seek easy answers." By focusing on what, we move beyond excuses and towards solutions that ultimately move you toward your goals.

Now, example of this would be, if you find yourself asking, why do I feel so stuck in my life? You can keep thinking about why and think of someone or something to blame and it isn't going to help you. Instead, if you ask yourself, okay, I feel stuck, I feel crappy. What am I going to do about it now? What can I do now? Not a day from now, but right now that is going to make me feel better. You'll be surprised.

You will start getting answers when you start asking yourself, what questions instead of why ones. Another example would be if you're thinking of switching your job or starting a new career, let's instead of wallowing with "why do I keep thinking about this? Why won't this idea leave me alone? Ask yourself, "okay, what can I do about it? It could be as small as reading up on the topic of your interest, learning more about it, following your curiosity.

This stage is extremely important because if you truly want to find what matters to you, this is going to help. If you need extra help in figuring out your goals, you can download a free audio training on how to discover meaningful goals for yourself from my website. The link is mentioned in the description box below. Moving on to step number two.

Is it now or is it later? Earlier I mentioned that you know your life the best. No one knows your life the way you know it. As much as I am a firm believer that we can work on multiple goals at once, I also believe that you get to choose what goals you want to work on and win. Even though you may feel pressed for time, especially if you feel pressed for time. Apart from working and paying your bills, ask yourself

What more do you want to create? And do you want to create it now in this season of your life? And even though I'm a huge proponent of living your life creatively and making time and space for your goals, I believe that you get to choose whether the season of your life allows you to do the work. Because it sounds great to say, yes, come on, I'm going to work on that next big thing. But ask yourself, is it practical to make the time to work on it?

Maybe you're in a season of life where you're caring for a loved one who needs you constantly, or maybe you are pressed for time at work or with your daily chores. You can plan for it and there is no shame in it. But be sure to use it carefully because sometimes what tends to happen is it can become a crutch and a reason for you to avoid doing the work. And the only person who can determine whether the timing is right for you to work on a particular goal is you.

I know that may seem like a big responsibility, but it can also be fun because it can relieve you from too much pressure. You get to choose what you want to work on and when. The way I do this is I plan my year out.

This is something that I learned from YouTuber Ali Abdaal's planning year method. The big projects in my life, personal and professional ones, I sit down before the year ends and I ask myself, whether I'd be able to start them and keep up with them considering my personal commitments. This way of working on goals is more relaxed and it doesn't induce unnecessary stress. And sometimes, even after all the planning, things may get delayed and that is perfectly okay. I prefer planning and things getting delayed rather than not planning them at all.

So you get to choose what and when you want to work on your goals that you are curious about. Moving on to step number three, the dabble period.

Once you've planned on your goals that you want to work on, let's say a new goal, I recommend sticking with it for at least three months because that is time not too short or long for you to figure out if that is a goal that you want to continue working on. One idea that I believe is made famous is "winners never quit." Now, I beg to differ here. I believe it is completely okay to change your mind about goals.

In fact, I think it is necessary to give yourself the room to change your mind. But a lot of times people either give up too soon on their goals or they stick to goals that are wrong for them for a long time and later regret it. What's worked for me is I give myself some dabble period around three months to see if I'm still curious about a goal or project. And if it doesn't tickle my fancy, I give myself room to do something else.

The only rule I apply here is I'm allowed to change my mind about not wanting to work on a goal because I don't feel interested in it, not because it becomes difficult to work at it. Now, how do you recognize whether you are quitting because of your lack of interest or you're feeling like things are getting hard?

This is a very subjective thing and this you've got to feel whether you're quitting a goal or you are continuing on one, I invite you to sit with your goals and ask yourself the simple question that I like to ask myself. Do I see myself as someone who has learned, let's say, a particular skill that I am pursuing? And am I genuinely happy about it? And if it doesn't matter to me, then there's only one right answer. And whichever one resonates with you is the right one for you. And finally, step number four is commit or change.

At the end of your dabble period, you will either continue pursuing that goal or you will want to change it. Either way, only you can decide whether that goal is right for you. If you decide to commit, my suggestion would be go ahead and make a commitment. This can both be in terms of money as well as your time. How much time and money are you willing to invest in pursuing a goal? Of course, depends on you, but

I would say going ahead and doing this because it puts a little more pressure on working towards that goal, but it is a healthy and a good amount of pressure.

So those were the four steps I use to set goals when I have no clue what to do. After trying out a lot of goals personally, when I committed to learning the piano or Spanish or Korean or getting healthier among some of my personal goals, I realized that your goals need to make sense to only one person and that is you.

Pay attention to what makes you curious and then give it a chance. I wasn't one of those few lucky people who just know what they want. I've had to work on getting clearer about my personal and professional goals over the years. And these steps have worked for me.

In the end, whatever you choose to work on, I believe it should bring you peace and fulfillment not just from the achievement of those goals but importantly by working on those goals in the first place. I'm curious what's that one goal you're thinking about working in the next one to three months?

Comment below and let me know. I would love to hear from you. Also you can download my free audio training on how to discover meaningful life goals for yourself.

Be sure to like, share and subscribe to the podcast on YouTube as well. Till next week, remember, you matter, your goals matter and it's really up to you to make it happen. Take good care of yourself!